Stop Putting Sugar On Shit.

I hate the saying, ‘fake it ’till you make it.’

Screw that. Don’t fake anything.

Be honest and authentic.

If life feels like shit right now and all you want to do is crumble to your knees and cry – crumble to your knees and cry.

Stop trying to sweeten up ‘shit.’

Why is it better to try to be something you’re not than to actually learn to deal with your feelings, your fears, your anger, your disappointment, your grief… or any other emotion that supports anxiety in your life.

That’s ridiculous – and unhealthy – and unsustainable.

If you’re angry. Work with it.

If your disappointed. Work with it.

If your anxious, depressed, or scared – Work with it!

Stop trying to put sugar on your shit and learn to deal with your issues in healthy, productive ways.

There are people out there who can help you – therapists, friends, family members, Spiritual advisors, and support groups.

There are activities that can inspire you – art, music, exercise programs, hobbies, and crafts.

There are so many other options besides fake.

If you feel like you’re being served a steaming pile of poo in your life – that’s your intuition saying loud and clear – This Situation Stinks!

The first question you need to ask yourself is:

Do you want to ‘fake it’ and prolong that shit, or do you want to get out your preverbal pooper-scooper and start making changes in your life? – the kind that smell better, feel better, and produce more positive results.

The choice is yours.

You can keep faking it.

Or you can get real with yourself and right with your life.

Question Two:  What are you faking and why are you faking it? 

Write down the answer. Then ask yourself –

  1. What fears prevent you from making changes in this area?
  2. How can you start to overcome those fears? (who/what/where are your support networks)

Question Three:  What would your life look/feel like if you could be authentic in this area?

  1. What would you actually be doing/saying differently if you were in a space of authenticity?
  2. How do you create the boundaries you need to be authentic?

Question Four: What are three things you can do right now – today – to start creating a more honest and supportive life for yourself. 

Write those three things down and start working on them. Every day. Until they are a natural part of your life. Then pick three more…

Keep doing that until you never have to fake a single thing – ever again.

 

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Does Your Life Have Meaning?

I’ve been a Reiki Master and Intuitive Healer for some time now, and one reacurring theme I’ve noticed in my healing work is how desperately people are seeking  meaning in their lives.

Many of the people I’ve worked with come to me feeling depressed, angry, lost, confused, hopeless…

And they’re looking something – anything – that will offer them comfort and relieve their anxiety.

I call these people Meaning Seekers.

Meaning Seekers are compassionate, loving, and kind. They want to improve their circumstances, enjoy their lives, and make the world a better place.  They want to be inspired and they want to inspire others. Yet, they feel lost – as though something is missing and they can’t quite put their finger on it.

That missing link is called Spirit.

Spirit is the spark of inspiration that helps people take pride in their environment and makes them excited about participating in life.

In high school, we called that School Spirit. In adult life, it’s called Community Spirit.

There is a incredible amount of frustration, depression, and overwhelm in the process of seeking meaning – especially on a Spiritual level – especially in our modern world – because what people seeking meaning often forget about is how wonderfully privledged they are.

If you are taking the time to search for meaning through books, podcasts, YouTube videos, or mentors – vacations or career changes – new networking groups, journaling, yoga, or dieting… – That probably means you have food and water security, a home you feel safe in, some sort of reliable income, and at least one trusted friend you can depend on. And that means you are priveledged.

If you’re searching for meaning – help the less fortunate.

Your Spirit – or Spirituality – is meant to be shared with others for the purpose of enjoying  life and uplifting the human condition. It is only when you stop sharing your Spirit that depression and detachment set in.

So, where in your community can you be meaningful on purpose? Where can you share your spirit?

Get creative. Like you would have in high school – at Homecoming – and you get to be the party planner.

If you want your life to have meaning, be meaninful.

If you want your life to have purpose, be purposeful.

Volunteer at or donate to local food banks, homeless shelters, animal shelters, churches, and/or any other organization that directly benefits your community.

Organize gift swaps and clothing drives.

Create safe, healthy places for the children in your neighborhood to gather and play, learn and grow.

Help your elderly and disabled neighbors.

Smile more.

Listen more.

Compliment people.

Get involved.

Give yourself a purpose.

Raise your Community’s Spirit.

And make a difference.

Life only has meaning when it is shared with others.

 

Inspire us!
Please use the comment section to share some of the ways you give your Spirit purpose by uplifting your community.

 

 

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How To Choose Kindness Over Anger, Hate, And Other Negative Emotions

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Being kind is challenging. Especially now – in the mists of incredible social and political discourse.

Being kind feels nearly impossible these days.

Why?

Because to be kind means to be united.

And how do you be kind to someone who is unwilling to be united with you?

How do you be non-violent when everyone around you wants to argue or fight?

How do you be respectful of others when respect is off the table?

Creating a world of peace when anger and stress are the underlying emotions most people are feeling right now is a daunting proposition.

Yet, it is entirely possible to be devoted to the art of kindness – if that becomes our priority.

So how do we do it? How do we let go of the anger? The differences of opinion? The moments that trigger us into uncontrollable rants of outrage, disappointment, fear, and righteous indignation?

Here’s an easy three step guide to get you started…

Step One – Find Out Where The Happy Is Being Sucked Out Of Your Life.

Figure out where the sources of discontent are in your life and stop paying so much attention to them. Turn off the news. Unfollow people on Facebook. Stop allowing your mind to repeat stories of past offenses – especially if they are there simply to allow you to hold tight to your grudges. Eliminate everything that causes you unnecessary stress and prevents you from enjoying your life.

Step Two – Focus On The Good Stuff.

What brings you joy in life and why aren’t you doing more of it? Teach yourself how to speak the language of kindness by surrounding yourself with what you like and what you love. Focus on the people, things, and activities where words like joy, happy, fun, awesome, and amazing are the adjectives you will most likely use to describe your experiences. What you experience in life directly determines your emotional health and stress level. Choose wisely and kindly.

Step Three – Share Joy Where It Is Appreciated And Needed

Love your family and friends – especially the ones who love you back. Spend time with them. Thank them for helping you keep your Spirits up. Volunteer at food banks, homeless shelters, and other venues where you can help uplift the human social condition in your community. Donate to causes you feel compassionately connected to. Pray. Smile when you are in public. Open doors for people and compliment strangers when and where it feels appropriate.  Create kindness and joy on purpose whenever and wherever you can. Let others feel what it’s like to relax, laugh, and connect to each other’s humanity. Connection is unity. Unity is kindness.

Often times we get so wrapped up in the horrors of the world around us, so reactive to the things that trigger us, and so stressed out by the demands we place on ourselves and others, we forget how to be joyful and kind. Joy and kindness are not a given. They are learned behaviors and acquired character choices.

Whenever possible – choose kindness and joy.

Wherever possible – turn away from anger, stress, hatred and grudges.

See how your world changes…

 

 

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The Empowered One

The Empowered One

I am not the right wing.
I am not the left wing.
I am the Empowered One.
Blazing the trail.
And if you are afraid.
Don’t Worry.
I will leave candles to light your way.
And water to quench your thirst.
My Earth will ground you.
And my air will whisper all the words you need to hear
To ensure
That You
Also
Become the Empowered One.

th

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More Peace. More Love.

Dear Everyone Who Is Struggling Right Now With The Current Social And Political Climate – 

I’m sorry you’re angry.

I’m sorry you’re afraid.

I’m sorry you feel the need to fight with each other.

I’m sorry you’re sad.

I’m sorry you’re being triggered.

I’m sorry I’m often the reason for your trigger.

However – And I Mean This –

I am not sorry for the conversations we need to have to get through this.

I am not sorry for the purging of old patterns of behavior.

I am not sorry for the incredible amount of healing that happens in times like these.

And In Times Like These…

When/If you cannot be in a place of love or peace.

I will do my best to be there for you. 

I will be strong.

I will be kind.

I will be loving.

I will be supportive.

and I will listen.

To the best of my ability. 

I will also be human.

So please forgive me – it helps me when you do.

Your forgiveness allows me to change my thoughts and behaviors.

It lets me heal, grow, and learn. It allows me to embrace you, understand you, and learn to live in peace with you.

Let me know it’s ok to feel emotions.

Because I do. I feel them to my core.

This is not my weakness, mind you. But my strength.

Because what I feel most – what I choose to feel most deeply within my soul –

Is an unapologetic, strong, compassionate, unabashed – LOVE

And I know, with every cell of my being, that my singular flame of love is stronger than everyone else’s hate combined. 

I know this because love is what I choose to focus on in my life. Every day. All the time.

Am I perfect at it?   – No.

Do I try anyway.     – Yes!

Why?   Because I deserve it. And so do you. You deserve the best from me. All the time. No matter what. With no excuses. No exceptions. No judgements. No witch hunts. No shaming. No blaming. No violence. And no aggression.

Again – if I falter along the way, please hold space for me in return. Don’t attack me. It doesn’t help. Forgive me and give me a chance. Let me move back into love as quickly and with as little damage as possible.

And I will be grateful to you.  So you can be grateful to me.

And now, as I move my Wild, Witchy, Druid-Bitchy, Fucking-Beautiful-Goddess Self forward in the most non-violent, peaceful, joyful, loving, magical, fantastical way possible – I will leave candles in my wake. To light the way. For more Peace. And Love.

Because that’s how I do shit.

 

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Why The Hell Am I Here?

That’s a great question.

In fact, I think it’s THE question.

Why AM I here?

th-3

What purpose am I serving?

I’ve been trying to answer that question for most of my life.

People have tried to help me along the way – asking things like:

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Where do you want to live?

Who do you want to vote for?

What kind of cell phone do you want?

Which cable company offers the best plan?

What kind of house do you want to live in?

What kind of car do you want to drive?

What kind of family, marriage, career, social life do you want?

The questions just kept coming.

And the answers… well… the answers led me in a multitude of directions – but they never quite satisfied me.

I mean sure, they helped me make it look like I was living my life.

But they never answered that deep, spiritual, essence of life-ness.  And they never quite made me feel ‘alive’.

So I just kept coming back to…

What the fuck am I doing with my life?  Really?  On a daily basis?  That makes any difference at all?  To myself or anyone else?

Until, finally, I figured it out.

I’m here to love shit.

Period.

There is no other purpose in my life. Just love.

Once I made that decision, I started answering all the regular, normal, what everyone thinks about when putting a life together questions, with only one verb – love.

What kind of family do I want? A loving one.

What kind of house do I want to live in?  A loving one.

What kind of career do I want?  The kind I love.

Where do I want to live?  In a location I love.

I did this for a long time – several years, in fact. Until everything in my life was love-filled – even if the things surrounding me weren’t.

I did this until I realized the point of my life wasn’t to accumulate stuff, or put titles behind my name, or impress people.

The purpose of my life was to learn how to own my emotional shit while not being an asshole to others, – So I can be as kind, gentle, and loving as possible – even when others are not.

I know. It sounds hokey. Be love – blah blah blah. Rainbows and Unicorns and Butterflies. Whatever…

But really – if you take even 10 seconds to think about it – why would’t you want your life to be full of love?

Is that stressed-out, frantic, overwhelmed, frustrated central nervous system worth preserving?

If not, then ask yourself, where is the love in my life and how can I spread that shit around – like fertilizer – so the grass always looks greener on my side of the fence…

th-1

 

 

 

 

 

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How To Stop Being Successful And Start Being Happy

For the longest time I thought success meant material abundance, a well-paying career, vacations to exotic places, a stellar bank account…

I measured my entire life based on those principles.

How many clients do I have? Having lots of clients means people like me and I’m good at my chosen career.

How much money do I make? Being successful equals lots of money, right?

What does my house look like? If it’s expensive, so am I!

Did I vacation this year? I’m only successful if I’ve booked a flight somewhere warm while the rest of New England freezes its ass off.

I measured my life like that for years. I bought that dream – the material one – hook, line, and sinker. Making money and accumulating stuff was the way I was taught to measure my success. Piled on top of that lesson was the one about success being the ability to accumulate lots of stuff – and stuff – being the source of happiness. So, if I’m successful and have lots of stuff, my life will be rich and fulfilling. And everything else builds from there…

It’s the math of life. Right?

So why wasn’t it working?

WTH life?

It’s not like I never set goals for you. Or changed careers. Or moved to different cities, found new friends, dieted, styled my hair differently – you all know what I’m talking about.

Because I did. I did that shit a lot. I made seeking success my life’s mission! I looked for it everywhere. Every new job. Every new home. My second husband. My new friends.

They all had so much potential! Each one offered me a new place to find success – which would lead to stuff – which would lead to my ultimate goal – which was personal happiness.

Yet, every time I believed I’d arrived at life’s ‘merry-go-round-of-perpetual-bliss’ – I’d end up finding some kind of defect.

Sorry, Lady. The ride spun around twice. It was fun. Now what?

It seemed no matter what I did for work, where I lived, how much money made, who my friends were – there was always something missing.

It didn’t make any sense.

According to everything I was taught about being successful, I should have been basking in my own personal glory. After all, I did everything right – right? I studied. I got degrees. I networked. I took on new career opportunities. I got divorced. I remarried. I moved to new cities.

Why wasn’t it working? What the hell was I doing wrong? No matter what I did, where I went, or who I hung out with, I could never quite get my underlying anxiety to go away.

You all know what I mean. That gnawing, clawing, slightly sick to your stomach feeling of making changes that end up leading you right back to where you started before you tried to change for the better in the first place.

What is that?

I had a formula, for god’s sake. A mathematical equation designed to make success my bitch, therefore guaranteeing my personal happiness.

Why wasn’t that shit working?

And then it dawned on me.

Happiness and Success are two completely different concepts – and they are not mutually exclusive.

I can be successful in a career yet hate my job.

I can have a big, beautiful, spotless house that never feels like a home.

I could live in Bali all winter and still not be warm.

Because, for me, life was more than just a job, or a house, or a vacation.

For me, a successful life meant a happy life. And if jobs, and homes, and friends, and vacations didn’t make me feel happy, then perhaps I needed a new definition of happiness…

That’s when I decided to say, “Screw you, Success. You’re not my bitch anymore. In fact, you mean nothing to me!”

I quit my job and became a hermit (which I do not recommend for beginners in the ‘fuck you, Success’ club. That’s really a skill you got to work up to…).

And I started paying attention to how I felt. On the inside. In every situation I encountered.

That’s when things honestly began to change in my life. That’s when I realized how vastly different happiness and success really are.

I stopped wishing my house looked better on the outside and started focusing on how it felt to live inside it.

I stopped caring what people thought of my career choices and simply, quietly, owned my decisions.

I stopped wishing I was on vacation and just started living.

No matter the outward appearances of my life, no matter the opinions of others, no matter the state of the world – The only thing I decided to care about was:

HOW IT FELT TO BE ME

I started reframing life’s big questions…

‘What do you want to do for a living?’   became   ‘How do you want to feel while you’re at work?’

‘How do I want my kids to behave?’    became   ‘What kind of relationship do I want with my daughters?’

‘What do I want to buy’  became ‘How do I feel about what I already own?’

And I just kept going from there. Reframing. Redefining. Reevaluating. Until the measure of my life stopped depending on someone else’s definition of success and started becoming my very own, personal definition of happiness.

I did this until I was actually happy. Not superficially happy. Not ‘just got my nails done’ happy.

No. I did this until I felt joyful in my body and excited about my life. I did it until I was laughing, and living, and loving, and smiling. I redefined those questions until my life felt wonderful. On a daily basis. Even when shit hit the fan and things didn’t go my way.

I did it until my underlying layer of stress and anxiety vanished right along side my desire to give a fuck about being successful.

Now, I will never confuse my personal happiness with someone else’s definition of success.

Ever Again.

Because they are not the same.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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